07 December 2008

Atheism & Soul

A common misconception of atheists is that we do not believe in the supernatural: ghosts/spirits, souls, reincarnation, etc. While this may be true for many atheists, it is not an inherent attribute. What you must first realize is "atheism" is disbelief in god(s). It says nothing else. Buddhism is an atheistic religion.

With that out of the way, I must admit I have been contemplating the existence of a soul. Again. When I first read about atheism, I immediately accepted that there wasn't a god, yet I had immense difficulty rejecting the concept of a soul. Why is this? Surely "soul" couldn't have been driven into me any more than "God" was. Less, if anything.

A soul is said to be what makes us human. It gives us our morals, it separates us from common animals. Obviously this is not a physical object, which is why I do not like godisimaginary.com's rebuttal. Really that site should have just focused on "heaven/hell" instead of getting mixed up in "soul."

If souls do exist I imagine all sentient beings having one. But, I feel that there would be different levels/depths to it. Just like how animals (some of them at least) can feel basic emotions, but humans feel deeper and more complex emotions. If the soul (as I propose it) exists, that would be the source for our emotions. Can we really put emotions down to chemical reactions? To instincts?

Anyways: when we die, these souls would go back from whence they came. Which would be some sort of spiritual force that encompasses the entire universe. It would be centered on places with the most life. It would almost be like energy. It would be entwined in nature, the essence of everything, but all the while only "active" in the aforementioned sentient beings.

Now this sounds all nice and pretty, but is it true? Well there's no way to prove it, is there? Which makes me think that it is probably not true.... If you are going to credit emotion to a soul, you also must credit personality to that soul. But I believe, firmly, that our personality stems from the way our brains developed and were wired.

Looking at this objectively, I do not believe in souls. Rather I think such concepts as "soul" "spirit" and "mind" are really just the brain in a field we don't associate with it. Namely, emotion. The brain is associated with logic and structure and concrete-ness. Hence why we feel the need to invent other concepts for our abstract emotions. In reality they are one.

And so, while my version of the soul might make me feel at peace with the world, I know that it is fantasy. If I were to still believe in it, despite its unlikeliness, I would be just as bad as the religious fanatics who refuse to look critically at their faith.
Note: I am not saying that any religious beliefs are wrong (how would I know?) rather, I am just asking that you accept the possibility that they might be.

I feel happy after making this post because I am truly fulfilling the purpose of my blog. I was confused about this subject, I wrote out my thoughts, and came to a solid conclusion. I am leaving ignorance.

14 November 2008

Oh, It Is "Love"

Most everyone has had a high school crush. Oh the drama of it! Whether acted upon or not (in my case, not) it affects you profoundly. That dreadful part of the mind, the positive swamp of feelings, passively stagnant for so long, suddenly is stirred about, and all sorts of unwonted things come forward. Most teenagers say it is true love, they believe it, they live it, they love this "love."

But those few teens with logical minds (whom I fancy myself among) suffer horribly. I recognize it as a crush, something that will be meaningless to me in the long run, shallow, et cetera. Yet I can not stop myself getting caught up in this mess. Curse feelings, you clouded illusions: how I wish to cast you off and see clearly!

I know this is not love, logically it cannot be. Now I know emotions and logic do not go together, but be patient reader, explanations follow. I hardly know the person in question. I find myself envisioning his personality instead of actively seeking to know it. I am projecting the personality I wish him to have onto him, ignoring what is already there. I realize this, I see this, but I cannot stop myself doing it.

And here, you see, is the awful realization where teenage hormones come in contact with introverted thinking, and an underdeveloped extroverted feeling attempts to come into play.
The hormones of course are the main source of the problem, illogical and impossible things that they are. Wreaking havoc and flitting in and out without pattern or explanation.
The Fe attempts to judge the other person's own feelings, but in reality just blunders about making a mess of my mind. Like lazy coworkers, whom you cannot prove aren't working because you don't really know what their job is.
The Ti, normally incredibly helpful and decisive, is at a loss. In a field where logic means literally nothing, Ti is useless. In fact, it is worse than useless, it is a complete drawback. While it attempts to present results of systematic analyzation, it is ignored by its fellows.

And I am stuck containing all of these conflicting forces. I listen to the Ti carefully, but am prevented from acting upon it by the hormones. I look expectantly to the Fe so as to figure out how to react to all these things, but the poor thing isn't ready for such a job as this.

Reader, I do not expect nor want pity nor acknowledgement of my current internal struggle. If I did I would not be presenting this anonymously, would I? But I must have an outlet for such things, so you will excuse my pathetic melodrama.

15 October 2008

HS Reveals the Meaning of Life

Or not. In fact, it has proved that there is no meaning in life, no reason to live. But I digress..

You would think that having semi-enjoyed middle school I would feel the same way about high school. Apart from a nifty block schedule (periods 1,2,3,4 on "blue day" and 5,6,7,8 on "white day"), it's more of the same. Which leaves me wondering, If it is more of the same, why is it so much more boring? How does it drag on so? Everything is so repetitious! Taking notes doesn't bother me. Taking notes for three days, lab for one day, test the next day--that bothers me. I should not be able to know what we are doing every class for the whole year less than two months into it. Ridiculous. In fact I find all of high school so frustrating that I am going to map out my classes:

Blue Day
--------
Geometry Honors: notes and work from the book each day, worksheets before quizzes which are at the middle and end of chapters, then a review worksheet and the test. repeat. The teacher is nice enough. I know a couple people in the class, but no friends or even actual acquaintances. My love of the subject balances out my hatred for the repetitive schedule.

Into to Journalism: why, oh why, did I not take band!! this class is horrid, absolutely horrid. the teacher is really nice, but our assignments are either drawn out worksheets complete with vocab terms, or pointless projects that are nothing but busy-work. example of such a project: we had to memorize the first amendment. not what it was about or how it affected people, just rote memorization.

Pool: pool, seriously? why can't we just take two semesters of regular gym? i'm a dreadfully slow swimmer, which is becoming increasingly embarassing. to top it off, the idiot overseers (they cannot be called teachers as they do not teach us--no, not even to swim. we are just assumed to know how) As I say, our idiot overseers put me in lane six out of six with all of the ridiculously fast swimmers. The person behind me usually reaches the other side at the same time as me. well, fuck it all.

Lunch with "Friends": I have lunch at noon, which means I have gone six hours without eating. unhealthy, that. sometimes I have a snack, but normally I'm not really hungry until pool, and obviously I can't be eating in there. the people I sit with are real bitches. Two girls that I used to be really close to and a guy that I knew through them, but was never actual friends with myself. The one girl is a complete bitch, does not include me in conversations, sometimes she doesn't even say hi to me. In fact, most of the time she just ignores me. The other girl is only slightly better. She'll talk if everyone else is in the lunch line and she usually gives a hint of a greeting. I suspect girl one is heavily influencing girl two with regards to her behaviour towards me. Both of them pop up as soon as they're done eating (which doesn't take long, considering they eat the equalivalent of half a sandwich for lunch) and run off. The guy, whom I have gotten to know only marginally better, makes small talk and copies homework. He is nice, but I have to wonder how much of it is pity or general kindness, and how much is actual interest in me.

English 9 Merit: This class is gay. The teacher is semi-old and the kind that makes you want to roll your eyes a lot. We have unreasonable reading assignments, which she explans what we just "read" only after we have all failed the test. Thanks for your insight. Most illuminating.
--------
I don't really mind White Day, so I'll stop my ranting. You get the point, at any rate.

Maybe it isn't the repetition that bothers me. Looking at it now, I actually like the repetitious classes more. Because there are no time-wasting projects. No pointless group activities.

I have so much homework. Every (blue) day, every class: maths, and reading, and worksheets, and memorizing 16-25 lines from Romeo and Juliet. My procrastination has increased directly with my amount of homework, which sucks horribly. You would think procrasinators would not even think about all the work they need to do. But I do think about it. I stress about it. But I keep pushing it back. Like right now, writing about how stressed I am instead of removing the source of the stress. But even if I do all my work on time (and normally I do manage to get it all done), I get another load of it the next class.

My whole life revolves around school now. I have to wake up at 5:30 in order to catch the bus an hour later. I get home at two something, which would be nice except I'm too tired to do anything more than mindlessly watch TV or play with the new kitten (Linus, doing well, thank you). By the time my body has accepted being awake (usually with the help of a diet cherry pepsi), I only have three hours before bed at 9:30. It is proof of how unhealthy it is for teenagers to wake up early that I get a full eight hours of sleep and still spend the majority of the next day tired.

High school drags on and on. This is what life is going to be like from now on. Occasional holidays, but mostly the mundane trap of school and basic human necessity. Now high school, next college, and then work indefinately. Maybe I'll live long enough to retire, who knows. I find it unbearably sad to have finally realized that the wardrobe has a back, and the Hogwarts letter got lost in the mail and by now it's too late to catch up. Maybe magic only rescues people with fitting names like Garth Nix or Eragon.

I could mope on about this, but I must shower before Project Runway. Until my next complaint, then.

05 October 2008

Possible Addition to the Family

YOU'RE PREGNANT?! No, actually I am not pregnant. In fact, no one in my family is pregnant. (Well, except for my one cousin, but she doesn't count.) But I may be getting a kitten. No--I will be getting a kitten; it may be from the Humane Society. If you are not familiar with adopting a cat from them, they grill you on everything. Via form, but still. "What would happen to the pet if someone in the family was sick?" WTF, nothing? Also, we don't take our other cat to the vet, so we must not care about her. It's nice that they want their animals to go to good homes, but they're probably scaring people off. So if this falls through, which I'm trying (and failing) to prepare myself for, we'll get one from the pound. Only one question there: do you have a home? Yes. Here ya go!

But we found the cutest little kitten at the Humane Society. Solid gray, short hair but still fluffy, and pale green eyes. He is so, so tiny. I'd forgotten how just small they are. Could sit in the palm of my hand. They named him Coal, but if we do get him, we'll be renaming him. Jude? Linus? I can't decide. Our other cat's name is Sabrina. That was the name they had given her, and I was little and couldn't think of anything better, so she got stuck with that. It does suit her though.

Sabrina is not a nice cat. She sometimes likes me, and besides that she only likes people who are allergic. She was described to us as "feisty." A bit of an understatement, that. So I am rather worried about how she's going to get on with the new one. I am hoping she'll be intrigued and not hostile, something-to-hunt, or why-don't-you-love-me. I read online that you're supposed to keep the new one in a separate room for the first few days with minimal contact between the two. We'll see how that works out.

On an unrelated note, I have a strip of eczema on the back of my neck. It doesn't itch or anything, but it's all bumpy and red. Looks a mess.

And happy October!

UPDATE: We have been appoved by the Humane Society! Hurrah :D

11 September 2008

A Quick Note


Ron Paul is my new hero. (Minus the pro-lifeness.)

http://www.campaignforliberty.com/

07 September 2008

What's with the Name

you ask? (And I am talking about Leaving Ignorance, not Adrien.) Really this should probably have been my first post. It needs to be established right at the beginning, non? I rather jumped the gun with Free Will. Ah well, nothing to be done now.

I have titled this blog Leaving Ignorance because that is what I am doing. I am learning. About myself, others, the world, abstract concepts that have no practical use but are very interesting nonetheless. (How did "nonetheless" get to be accepted as a word? That is ridiculous.)

Now, some of you may be saying "Isn't it bad to think of 'leaving'? Shouldn't you be focusing on moving forward, moving towards something?" Well, no. I do not pretend to know what the future holds. I do not even know what I'd like it to hold. But I do know what is in the past. And this blog is about leaving ignorance in the past.

It is impossible to ever truly be rid of ignorance. There is always something to be learned. So I am not completely leaving ignorance, just shedding some layers. However "Leaving Some Ignorance" doesn't sound nearly as nice.

"That's all fine and dandy, but why name your blog that?" Because I am using my blog to learn. Writing out thoughts and debates (with myself, yes) is a very efficient way to come to a conclusion on something. Much more organized than just thinking about it. It's also nice to have things written down so in the future when I'm thinking "How could I ever have doubted free will?!" I can just go back to my post there. "Oh. That's why."

The end.

05 September 2008

Free Will

Do we have free will? I have been thinking about this question a lot lately. (It is much more entertaining than that paper for English class.) At first it seemed obvious. (A: yes.) But then as I really started to think about it, I realized I didn't even know what free will was.

Before we get into all that messy stuff, let's look at something much more clear cut. God. Is there a god? I do not believe so. It was a website that turned me atheist, but I was leaning that way my whole life. Why? Because my family was not religious. We were "Roman Catholic," but we were certainly not religious. (Maybe not even spiritual.) The point is I was not force-fed religion from the moment of my birth, as most Americans are. (Or so I've heard.) As I entered my teens I did some research into religion + atheism and eventually found the site that sealed the deal. No god. I am not going to reiterate the atheism argument for you. Why? Because (1) I am too lazy to write it all out and (2) I don't think I'd change anyones' minds anyways. If you are interested, just go to the site.
Note: all above links go to the same website. (But not the one in the Note.)

So, now that we have gotten that out of the way, on to free will. Let us start with a definition from everyone's favourite online dictionary.


free will
–noun
1.free and independent choice; voluntary decision: You took on the responsibility of your own free will.
2. Philosophy. the doctrine that the conduct of human beings expresses personal choice and is not simply determined by physical or divine forces.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/free%20will


Obviously, we will be using the second definition. Since we have established that there is no god, we can fairly say that there are no divine forces dictating our lives. But what about physical forces? What are they and how could they possibly make decisions for us?

Well, I don't know what exactly dictionary.com is trying to get at, but I am going to go out on a limb here and say it is talking about things like environment, past experiences, etc. Are such things mere influences, or are they really the deciding factors that run our lives? I am inclined to say the latter.

Are you shocked?

You shouldn't be. We can never be free of bias and influences and all that. I think just about everybody has accepted that. (Save this thought for future reference.)

Question: Do we choose our personalities? No. Whether they came from nature or nurture or some combination of everything, we do NOT choose our personality. We can try to change it, but it is a lost cause from the start. I am introverted. I do not like interaction with other peoples, especially on the phone and face to face. Now, if I could choose my personality, don't you think I would choose to be a people person? Life would certainly be easier as an extrovert. Society has convinced us that people who aren't interested in small talk are snooty snotty snobs. Given the choice, very few people would actually choose to be introverted due to its negative portrayal.
From this anecdotal evidence (erm), we can all agree that people do not choose their personalities.

Now to apply the above to the free will debate. Proposal: Our personalities determine what kind of choices we will make. Drawing Conclusions: Since we don't choose our personalities, then we are not really making choices.

180: "It's just an influence. We are still making the final choice."
Point taken, 180, but at what point does that "influence" become so heavy it takes away our free will? We cannot escape our personalities. It's who we ARE. On top of that, we all have past experience and other environmental factors to take into account. (Some would say that those things are a part of our personalities. Same thing.)

Conclusion (Kind of): So we Make Choices. But our Choices are so heavily influenced that they are quite predictable. Now I'm not saying that I can guess what colour socks you will wear tomorrow. BUT say we had some sort of device. If we put all of your history, your life story, every quirk of your "individual" personality, into that device it could, theoretically, determine the decision you would make in any given situation.

The Real Conclusion: I do not know if that is free will or not. But I really truly believe it. I hope that anyone reading this has at least been given something to think about, even if their opinion is radically different.