Po(st)mo(dern)sexuals

For those of you who are reluctant to visit wikipedia, a pomosexual is a person who does not believe in using labels to define orientation.

This is dripping with irony; they are labeling themselves as "people who dislike labels." I would think if they actually disliked labels, they would just say so instead of, you know, labeling themselves.

I am not sure how I feel about the actual concept. On one hand, labels are helpful to find people compatible with us (whether for sexual or romantic relationships, or even for friendships). On the other hand, labels often become limiting, especially to people whose orientations are not clear-cut.

I guess that I support the use of labels, but only when they work. For instance, I have realized that I am an asexual. However, I am not at all certain as to my "romantic orientation." I plan to go on a case-by-case basis for romantic relationships, so I don't need a label for my preferences in that area.

Labels are useful in describing ourselves, but sometimes they can't sum up our true feelings. *shrug* If they work for you, use them; if they don't, pomosexuality it is.

Having Children

For most people, having children is a given. It's just something that happens, a regular part of life. For others, having children is a goal, an invaluable experience. But for a minority of people, procreation is just not a point of interest. It's not that we're against children themselves, we just don't feel like being the ones to raise them and care for them.

My thinking goes like this: I can raise children and make them happy, or I can discover myself and make myself happy. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I choose 'myself.'

I never thought my feelings of "no children for me, thanks" were very radical, but apparently they are. Apparently, some people just can't wrap their heads around the idea that not everyone has the same opinions as themselves.

My brother-in-law is, unfortunately, one of these people. He is very outspoken and can get rather obnoxious, but he rarely bothers me so. In this particular incident, he was very concerned that I don't want children and would rather travel. "When you're on your deathbed," he told me earnestly, "you'll regret not having children. It doesn't matter how many stamps you have in your pass book."

There are so many things wrong with that statement, I honestly don't know where to begin.

Let's start off with the fact that he is basically claiming to understand me better than I myself do. Maybe he feels having children is the only important thing in life (I'll address that bit later), but that doesn't mean people who don't feel that way are somehow wrong or confused.

Another way to view this statement is he's saying that all people can only feel satisfied with their lives after having children. Really? All people can only feel satisfied if they have children? One of the great things about humans as a species is how diverse we are. Sure, any one person can have things in common with any other person, but to say that we all feel the same about anything is pure ignorance. Even if most people want children, it doesn't make the other people's feelings any less valid or natural.

And really what makes children such a joy? They're dependent, loud, rowdy, clingy, overemotional ... you get the idea. Why would anyone want to subject themselves to such things? They take up your time, money, and patience and give nothing in return.

I could easily turn this statement around. "When you're on your deathbed, you're going to regret not traveling and discovering yourself and the world. It doesn't matter how many children your wife popped out." Both statements put their views on a pedestal while dismissing other valid claims.

I accept that many people find happiness and, yes, satisfaction in having children. I expect other people to show the same acceptance to what makes me happy and satisfied. (Unless that is axe murdering, in which case you probably shouldn't accept it.)

So kiddies, the moral of the story is there is more than one way to achieve happiness. What works for one person, doesn't always work for everyone else. And there is nothing wrong with that.