I tend to go through cycles of reconsidering my beliefs. One day it'll be my sexuality, then gender, personality type, future goals, etc. Today I began revisiting religions.
I know what I believe, for the most part. I do not believe there is a conscious being that is God, but I admit I could be wrong. I think all living things--people, animals, nature--are all connected in an intrinsic way. I think the same sort of spiritual "energy" is in everything. I think an overarching Truth exists, but that no being can ever actually know it. (And if they did know it, they wouldn't realize it.) I don't think dead people (or animals, etc.) retain any consciousness; rather, I believe their energy melds back into the rest of the universe.
My beliefs are all based on faith; I have no proof. I cannot be expected to have proof. Spirituality is the realm of Fi, I go with what makes sense to me. Perhaps my beliefs sound crazy to someone else, but I might find their views just as strange. Spirituality is personal and subjective. No one's beliefs are right or wrong, as long as they fit the individual person.
That said, you can imagine my opinion of religion. Organized religion is the corruption of spirituality. It takes what should be an intensely personal search and turns it into This Is What We Believe. Religions don't offer people the chance to come to their own conclusions, they tell them what's "right." Some are better than others about this, but essentially all do it.
It pains me to see children being indoctrinated into religions. How will they ever develop spiritually if you hand them "answers" their whole life. "What is a god, anyway?" "Well here, Sally, just read this book, it'll tell you!" And so on.
Nevertheless, I have been searching around for a religion that fits me. I strongly identify with Pantheism, except most of it seems quite... sterile. They have ripped all the spirituality from it in an effort to be perfectly Atheist, but in doing so, they have lost appeal of all-is-god. Unitarian Universalism goes too far the other way. It is infused with paranormal and a jumble of other things. It does not seem to have a set of beliefs, but rather share a quest. This is admirable, but ultimately pointless (for me).
I have looked into a couple Eastern nature-centered religions also. They seem to be exclusive. You can't just believe this stuff, you have to go to a spiritual leader with x qualifications and read this, or else your not a Real Taoist, or whichever it may be. I guess they don't want people confused about what the religion's actually about. Still, you think they could just post it online... I guess that's too modern for religion. Hmph.
Point being that I am once again left with only descriptions: atheist, agnostic, pantheist, new age, UU. But still no unifying, all-encompassing label. Perhaps that is a good thing; I remain free to mold my beliefs as I see fit. If I one day decide that there actually is an afterlife, I can accept that change without worrying about not being a _______ anymore.
As much as I hate religion, I love spirituality. I think it is important for everyone to think about their beliefs (whatever they may be) and adjust them throughout their lives. Whether through prayer, meditation, rituals, or just reflection; everyone needs to engage their spirituality.
Probably my most spiritual experience took place just over a month ago. I was hiking through a nature preserve. The air was crisp, but not cold. I was walking over these rolling hills, everything covered in prarie grass: gold and purple and green. I felt part of it all, the plants, the sky, the sun. It was nature--and it was the most magical thing I'd ever seen.
I know my beliefs could change. In fact, I'd be surprised if they didn't. For now though, I know my views fit me. I hope everyone can break free of the dogmatic religions and find their own, personal beliefs.
26 September 2009
03 September 2009
Loners at Lunch
Just a few moments ago I was looking over my school schedule, for no reason beyond boredom. I was reminded that next semester, my lunch changes to a different time slot. I was "lucky" enough to find people to sit with in both of my lunches this semester (block scheduling leaves us with two), but what if I didn't know anyone with X lunch in second semester?
The answer is painfully simple: sit alone! I love being alone. I generally dislike people and find most of their chatter an annoying interruption to my thoughts. Hence, sitting by myself should have been an obvious and easy choice.
But sitting alone is neither obvious nor, indeed, easy. Society has so brainwashed us into a pro-social mindset, that even extreme introverts like myself balk at being without companions. I enjoy solitude in every other situation, yet sitting alone at lunch makes me anxious, paranoid. "Are they laughing at me? Did that girl just point to me? Did that guy just whisper something about me?" etc.
One set of my lunch mates last school year were horrible. We were basically ex-friends, just grew apart. I hated them and their mindless gossip, and they probably didn't love me either. Yet I still sat with them. Why didn't I just go off by myself? I could've sat at a different table and read or done homework when I finished eating. I could've stayed there for the whole lunch period if I wanted (not that we get very long). But instead I sat with Them, every.single.day. Why? Because you couldn't sit alone! You just couldn't!
There is no logical reason not to sit by yourself, unless of course you are worried about what the herd thinks of you. I, like most (if not all) loners, don't care. If anything, I'd rather they think I was some weird antisocial nerd than a gossiping teenager like themselves. However, Society's message had penetrated my mind so deeply that I couldn't escape it. I didn't even realize it wasn't MY thought, at first.
I am sick of the stigmas attached to sitting alone: I must not have friends, I must be unhappy, No one must like me, etc. If people feel scorn or pity for someone sitting alone, it only proves how heavily they rely on Society's standards. I challenge everyone to sit by themselves, if they want. I challenge the rest to accept this.
If I find someone in my lunch second semester, someone that I genuinely like, then I'll sit with them. But I will NOT be pressured into sitting with someone whose company I don't enjoy. I will sit alone, and I will be happy and proud to do so. Perhaps a fellow loner will see me, happily eating and reading with no companions, and realize that ze too can eat by hirself. And maybe ze will start sitting alone and inspire another loner. And maybe it will spread and spread until finally, one day, sitting by yourself will be the obvious and easy choice it should be.
The answer is painfully simple: sit alone! I love being alone. I generally dislike people and find most of their chatter an annoying interruption to my thoughts. Hence, sitting by myself should have been an obvious and easy choice.
But sitting alone is neither obvious nor, indeed, easy. Society has so brainwashed us into a pro-social mindset, that even extreme introverts like myself balk at being without companions. I enjoy solitude in every other situation, yet sitting alone at lunch makes me anxious, paranoid. "Are they laughing at me? Did that girl just point to me? Did that guy just whisper something about me?" etc.
One set of my lunch mates last school year were horrible. We were basically ex-friends, just grew apart. I hated them and their mindless gossip, and they probably didn't love me either. Yet I still sat with them. Why didn't I just go off by myself? I could've sat at a different table and read or done homework when I finished eating. I could've stayed there for the whole lunch period if I wanted (not that we get very long). But instead I sat with Them, every.single.day. Why? Because you couldn't sit alone! You just couldn't!
There is no logical reason not to sit by yourself, unless of course you are worried about what the herd thinks of you. I, like most (if not all) loners, don't care. If anything, I'd rather they think I was some weird antisocial nerd than a gossiping teenager like themselves. However, Society's message had penetrated my mind so deeply that I couldn't escape it. I didn't even realize it wasn't MY thought, at first.
I am sick of the stigmas attached to sitting alone: I must not have friends, I must be unhappy, No one must like me, etc. If people feel scorn or pity for someone sitting alone, it only proves how heavily they rely on Society's standards. I challenge everyone to sit by themselves, if they want. I challenge the rest to accept this.
If I find someone in my lunch second semester, someone that I genuinely like, then I'll sit with them. But I will NOT be pressured into sitting with someone whose company I don't enjoy. I will sit alone, and I will be happy and proud to do so. Perhaps a fellow loner will see me, happily eating and reading with no companions, and realize that ze too can eat by hirself. And maybe ze will start sitting alone and inspire another loner. And maybe it will spread and spread until finally, one day, sitting by yourself will be the obvious and easy choice it should be.
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