So despite my last post about hating to come out, I've decided to tell a couple more people about my gender. First on the list is my old English teacher, who is a sort of mentor/father figure to me. He's very tolerant and aware of queer issues, so I'm not worried about him freaking out about it. However, it has made me think about how to define my gender in a way that other (cisgender) people can understand, or at least not be completely confused.
I identify as part of both genderqueer and transgender communities. For me, these are umbrella terms; I usually call myself a "null-gender guy." I am aware that many people would see that as self-contradictory--I myself once thought so. But I am wiser now.
No sane person disputes the existence of transsexuals, so we can conclude that physical sex stands independent of gender. Everyone can also agree that there are cisgender men who are feminine and cisgender women who are masculine. Therefore, we can fairly say that femininity and masculinity (gender roles*) are independent of both physical sex and gender identity.
---
*Perhaps the phrase I want is "gender expression" or even "attributes"; this is blurry to me. But that's just semantics. The case stands.
---
We also must acknowledge the contrast between two sorts of masculine females--masculine women and masculine transmen. Although both are physically female and adopt the same gender role, their gender identities are different. Gender identity is tricky to explain; it is just an innate feeling of "man," "woman," or something else. Note also that there exists both masculine men and feminine men; gender identity is independent of both physical sex and the gender role.
So, we can now see that physical sex, gender role, and gender identity are not at all codependent, despite the binary "female=feminine=woman" or "male=masculine=man" dogma. Once we stop seeing these aspects as all tied up with each other, gender as a subject becomes much more clear. I'll be the example:
Physical Sex
I am female. I am not male or intersex.
Gender Role
I am null-gender. I am not particularly feminine or masculine. I do not care to label individual aspects of my personality as such.
Gender Identity
I identify as a guy. I am certainly not a woman, but I'm not really a man either. As least where I live, "guy" is used as a fairly neutral descriptor, and it would not be at all odd to greet a group of women with "hey, guys!" Of course, in the singular form, it usually refers to a man, but that works for me. I do feel closer to a man than a woman. And, I think I would feel less social dysphoria if perceived as male. Let's just say that if I were physically male, I wouldn't feel a need to ponder my gender so often. So, "guy" it is.
We can put these individual traits together to form a coherent picture of a person's gender (female/null-gender/guy). Of course the interplay of the individual traits will give rise to an identity greater than the sum of its parts, similar to Myers-Briggs personality types. But it's a start.
Coming out is going to be scary. I get anxious just thinking about it. But now that I can fully articulate my identity, it will be easy for others to understand, and in turn, easier for them to accept. Here's hoping.
